| He could just be an idiot.... |
[25 Mar 2005|12:24pm] |
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Full House |
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so its been like a milion years since i wrote in this thing....its march 25..angelos bday..and the second day of spring break..ahh i love vacation....so last nite was razzous agen....good tmes good fkknn times...so lets see...first i danced with this latin kid but that was goin on for a while and thne i thoguht he was gunna get with me and i ddint wanna so i thankd god when dee and david decided to get water...then i danced with this other kid with funnyyy ass glasses and he was like buttraping me lol..i hadda get outt athat one so i got davdi to get me away *i knew dee havin a bf was good* then me and bridgette went to call her mom and i got some red bull * i loveeee red bull * and then i danced with this kid scott...nd i needed a break and i was like im gunna go get some water and he came and then he gave me his number bc his fone was dead adn he hadda leave and then he left and then he came back adn his fone was on and he was ilke lemme get your number lol and thne he really left so that was good...his name is scott..hes pretty cute...i hope he actually calls lol..then i went back otu ther ewith brdgette and the plce was like emptyin out lol and hten this hotttt kidd startin dancing behind me and that went on for a while and then he turned me around nd we just like kept pullin closer to eachother and then i kissed his neck adn he kissed mine and i kissed his again adn then he put like his cheek right up against mine adn then his fkkn friend comes over to sya he hasta leave....im still kicken myself that i didnt just go like heres my number...lol...damn me!...thne me and bridgette danced togetha and hten some spanish kids danced with us so we got "water" lol...then we pretty much left bc they closed....alll in all a goooood nite...i dont even wanna talk about life before last night since i wrote since itll just upset me im in a good mood...
( short and cut scene from 100 Light Years from Home )
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| I couldn't care less.... |
[24 Feb 2005|07:11pm] |
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silence... |
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it is thursday night....over winter break and i am home...urrhh such a LOSEr lol....neways...how has vacation been....monday nihgt was fun i went to the diner with elaina nd then lu came and then christie and b4 lu finelli costello billy chris and jojo came...theyre summ funnyyy kids lol costello was sayin sumthin elaina and billys like costello shutup tryin to stop costello without elaina hearing adn costellos like she heard me pointing to me adn im just laffin my ass off lol and thn we walked to my hosue got my stuff adn walkd to luz where me lu christie and lisa slept at lus house..obviously lu did lol...hmm and then tuesday me nd lu went to my house and then met with elaina got brian babysat and then i went to mock trial and then i went ot elainas where me nd lu picked up sum hoes lol *grand theft auto lmao* nd then....we went to lus where i slept over agen with elaina this time and got into a fight angelo..all i have to say is OBVIOUSLY lol elaina and lu .... elaina isthe greatest hmm nd thn i went hom ethe next mornign afta breakfast an then ive just been home since then....actually iwent ot dinner at my gmas house tonite...fun fun my cuz kevin was there so that was amusing hes a funny kid....ohh nd my aunt eileen comes up to me and is all like *i heard about you and angelo im sorry* like he died or something i think its sdo funny how ppl talk to me about it lol so here i am home and happy...really no joke im happy...i amsingle and ok with it..i will meet someone new and just have funno more relationship crap no more nethin just funn funn funn hopefully soon bc i wanna start having htis fun fun fun lol....
( long quote...home movies funnyyy - great scenee )
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| You're not exactly sunshined personified... |
[21 Feb 2005|06:25pm] |
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so its monday night..happy presidents day to all lol...im supposed to be at mock trial right now but it was cancelled so i am home...so whats been up lets seee......hmm friday night sucked i went to teencenter with bridgette nd dee and it was sooo boring nd then saturday i stayd in with the parents and watched passion of the christ..i know tell me about boredom lmao....last night was funn thoo me dee annie adn david went to razoos...sum club in yonkers....it went pretty well i danced with liek 3 guys...and then sum kid drank my water lmao.. heres the story annie buys me water adn we're standing there drinkin it nd then sum kid comes up next to be *im leanin at the bar* and is like my man watns to talk to you and im like ok and hes like ok wha and im like tell him to talk to me then so he calls his friend over and thenn the next thing i kno the kid grabbed my water nd islike drinkin it and his friend laffs so i pulled the water from him adn he looks at me like i took his water like uhh wtf....so i pulled it from his hands and some spileld on him..annies like whos that kid and i was like i dunno she was like you didnt know him lmao funnyyy....and then we run inot david and dana and david all like o i woudla fought him i was like okayy lol and then david decides to play matchmaker and picks this hot kid joe something italian lol that he knows adn is all like you wanna dance iwth the girl in the pink skirt so the kid comes up to me and is like he wants me to dance with you so im like okayy you dont hafta and the kid goes back to david and danas like go dance with him and she tells the kid to go and hes like she doesnt wanna and im sittin there all like uhh whut lol...and then we didnt dance....and then i was abotu to get the nerve up *i was soo close* to go dance with this reallllyy hott kiddd when dana and david got into a fight and me and annie got scared bc david was like im not stayin here so we didnt wanna get left lol so we followed david bc dana had walked off...so i ddint go dance with the kid cuz i lost the nerve lol so me and annie sat on a couch playing 1 2 3 lol good times annie..so all in all it wasnt half bad didnt get any numbers but took my mind of stuff lol...nd then me and dee and annie went ot the tenement museum today adn i should have mock trial right now but i dont so here i am...hopefully something fun will go down tonight too lol laterr
( long quote from Future Tense...i love Drunk!Joey )
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| bc i wanna be just like luisa.... |
[14 Feb 2005|07:37pm] |
1. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
2. When and how did we first meet?
3. What was your first impression?
4. Do you still think that way about me now?
5. What do you think my weakness is?
6. What makes me happy?
7. What makes me sad?
8. What reminds you of me?
9. If you could give me anything what would it be?
10. How well do you know me?
11. When's the last time you saw me?
12. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
13. Do you think I could kill someone?
14. Describe me in one word.
15. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?
16. Do I make you nervous?
17. Would you let me stay with you if I needed somewhere to go?
18. Would you be comfortable being alone with me?
19. Are you going to put this on your livejournal and see what I say about you?
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| I could love you again.... |
[13 Feb 2005|09:33pm] |
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Desparate Housewives |
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so its sunday ... the day before valentines day... tomorrow is gunna suck so much...i was doing pretty good lately...calm almost nearing happy..donna is tryin to hook me up so maybe ill get lucky...angleo imed me today...bc you know god noticed i was nearing happiness so he hadda shoot it down by having angelo im me just to make sure i know he doesnt love me nemore...he never ssed that but it was quite obvious....i wish everything could be the way it used to be but angelo would need to reallly want that...want it enough to try and prove he loves me adn he isnt that type of guy nor does he really care..i honestly think he is really happy with things this way...its like he isnt hurt at all....oh well one of these days ill move on (yea right im not gunna any time soon) i just hope that im hapyp soon...i hope he comes back i really still love him .. i love who he used to be... i miss who he used to be...he use d to be my angelo my baby...bt i dunno who is his nemore .....
( Love Bites Quote.... )
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| 'Cause it's been a while.... |
[10 Feb 2005|06:31pm] |
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silence.... |
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ok so its thursday night...i just updated with yesterdays entry bc i tried to put in it yesterday but it was down..since i tryped it all out i saved it to update....neways....im in such an odd mood...its like one minute i feel like everythings ok and im gunna make it through it but then i think about him and i realize that i need him adn i dont wanan make it through this...monday is valentines day and im gunna be alone...i keep thinking like oh maybe he'll send flowers but honestly we all know he wont....he probably wont even say anything to me...like right now hes online but he doesnt talk to me..i deleted his sn bc it upset me but i couldnt stand it so i added it agen...this is getting outta control i seriously need to do something....its almost three weeks....and i am in such a funk...its like i REALLY wanna be with him btu i just wonder even he wanted me back...haha like that would happen....things would be so wierd and i dunno if i would ever be able to trust his feelings...he said such nice things to me....all i can think about it is how it all is a lie..i was reading an old letter from him when i was packing up my 'angelo box' and he says like how he misses me and how he cant wait to see me on friday and how theres nothing we cant get through together and then i just think really huh because obviously you couldnt do this wiht me....i just dont understadn what happend...we went from great to broken up i wanan know the real reason but i guess i never will....oh it was actually amusing in physics i was saying how i knew someone and caterina was like oh how and i was like my ex bf and maureen was like you guys broke up?!?! and i was like yea and they were like awww thats so upseting and shes like ill yell at him too lol...she didnt mean it but atleast ppl think its dumb too..i mean who throws away two years of their life for nothing...unless theres somethign i dunt know and if anyone reading this knows pleasee comment its highly appreciated.....welli guess ill continue to play online and waste time until he comes back..if he does....at this point i havent even figured out what to do if he moves on to another girl..i seriously think i mite die..just die right there...i cant live knowing that....i dont wanna thnk about it soo laterr...
( long castaway quote agen... )
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| Dash myself into a thousand pieces when you broke up with me |
[10 Feb 2005|06:21pm] |
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*note: entry from yesterday* lol |
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all right....its wednesday night and i gotta go to bed soon....lets discuss life...i saw ms walsh today..but i couldnt tell her why i really need to talk to someone bc i cant tell anyone..theyll freak out too much...i need to go to bed but i try adn avoid it bc it means that its another day that angelo hasnt tried to contact me..i mean really two years and he just shuts me out completely outta nowhere...what teh fcuk did i do wrong anyway...i cant take this anymore im like delving into a new lvel of denial...ms walsh was telling me how i need to start dealing iwth the idea that he isnt coming out and that we might not be back together but itslike physically impossible i need him...like i think about it and i am in pain...real pain...i never thought he would leave me..i thought he loved me..he said he loved me and that we woud get through anything but i just dont get it...and hes not him anynore..i talk to him .. you know when i im him or call him bc im like a stalker ... neway so when i talk to him he seems distant (i know youre saying dude he dumped you duh) but like i dont get how he can go from being in a realtionship to nothing and not seem upset and hurt...i dunno i just wish he would be the person he used to be.. the person i love...i just want him back...i need him back..so god this is me and im askin you to help me and bring him back....
( long quote again )
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| I have always, always loved you.... |
[06 Feb 2005|01:08pm] |
( im bored... )
so i did that stupid thing....i really need him...this is outta control...my body is aching to hold him...i need to hug him and for him ot tell me its ok and its better now..i cant live without him..i dont want to...if he doesnt come back to me i dunno whut im gunna do bc i dont even wanna live nemore...i just wanna be with him and for things to be ok...PLEASE GOD make it better..i would seriously do anything...ANYTHING to have him back......i cant take this anymore..i cant take anything...i just wanna die...im gunna go lay down or something try to make it al go away...laterr......
( long quote today.... )
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| tell me what is going on.... |
[02 Feb 2005|09:52pm] |
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i hate life...no really no joke...i hate life....its horrible...depresssing and just really badd.....so me and angelo completely ended it last night...no more contact...which is harder than anything...i havent talked to him since yesterday...for example..right now hes online does he im me-no he doesnt....bc its not like we were together for two years or anything bc then maybe just maybe...we would be in love...but no..i make him miserable..of course...what else am i good at...besides making the boy i LOVE miserable...i hate life..i hate school its pointless...i just wish he would im me...lets move on
math - i helped teach lol ask donna (dee)...eng-not that badd...ap-alrite...physics-frustrating and boring....then i went ot annies...gilmore girls was great...fun fun LUKE CAN WALTZ lol...now im talkin to luisa...shes great...we're talking about how we're gunna commit suicide together...shes joking...im serious...just kidding i think...i dont wanan die but i wish i could just like disappear for a while and when i come back have angelo want me and things better again..i never thought a guy could get me like this..im going crazy...now im goin to bed bc its not being alive...night
Pacey: What's going on?
Joey: Pacey, we were just dancing.
Pacey: Yeah, that's what it looked like to me, just dancing.
Joey: Oh, come on. This isn't about Dawson, and you know it. Pacey, why don't you just tell me what is going on?
Pacey: You know what I actually realized when I saw the two of you dancing there together? That is the happiest I have seen you all night. I mean, I think it's actually the happiest I've seen you in weeks. You want to know what's worse than that? I don't care. I saw the two of you dancing together, and I just don't care. I'm not angry. I'm not jealous. I'm not upset. I'm really not much of anything.
Joey: Pacey, fine. Let's just take this nothing outside.
Pacey: Why--why because you want to clean up my mess again? No. You wanted me to take off the happy mask, and the happy mask is off. So answer me this one question because this is what I've been wanting to ask you, Jo. Why are you with me?
Joey: Pacey.
Pacey: Why are you with me? Because I don't know why I'm still with you. I mean, I used to know, but I don't anymore.
Joey: I'll make a note of that.
Pacey: What I do know, Jo, I feel like I'm Josephine potter's little charity project. I feel like I'm the designated loser, the fail (Dawson starts to move in) --just back off!
Joey: Pacey, I never said that, but this isn't about me. This is about you.
Pacey: No, it is about you! It's about you and how you make me feel when I'm with you! Ok? I feel like I'm stupid and I'm worthless and I'm never right. But you know what I realize? That it's not my fault! That it's not my fault. Because I'm with you, it's poor Pacey. He didn't get into college, and it's stupid Pacey forgot the limo and ripped the dress and messed up the corsage.
Joey: I told you I didn't care about any of that.
Pacey: But I want you to care! I want you to care! I don't want you to just accept it like that's the way it's supposed to be. We are not trapped on this boat. You and I are trapped in this relationship. I can't take it anymore, Joey. When I'm with you, I feel like I'm nothing. I feel like I'm nothing. That's why I flinch when you come to touch me. It's why I never touch you. Why I never even think about it. Because when I start to, it just reminds me that I'm not good enough.
Joey: You done?
Pacey: Done? Oh, no, I'm not done. I am just getting started.
Joey: Well, you can stop right now. You can go to hell.
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| i miss you.... |
[30 Jan 2005|04:11pm] |
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*Luisa Elaina and Christie* |
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so im at luisas with elaina...lu..and christie....we're having a failed relationships convention *tho elaina cant officially join yet*....so last night was alrite...i went to shaynas (sp?) house with my cuzin yesterday and shaynas bf and his frend were there..it was alrite...pretty funnyyy...then i talked to angelo *my ex*...it was interesting..ive moved on in teh grieving process from upset/hurt to angry...urrggg he makes me so maddddd....he just screwed me over and doesnt even care...i could kill him right now...and hes online and he didnt even im me...that kid has balls....urggg....hes supposed to call me tonite but i doubt he will adn if he does its not like hes gunna ask me back out..not that i blame him after all hte things i sed last night...i went fkkn crazy on him...*update* - he imed me...dun dun dun..urggg..i have so much hw to do..bc somehow my STUPID teachers translate midterms in vacation...wtf.....alrite imma go now and pray that angelo will ask me back out by the time i update agen so that i can write a happy entry....laterrr
my quote....
Joey: [Sigh] Hey.
Pacey: I was beginning to wonder if you were ever gonna knock.
Joey: You saw me standing out here?
Pacey: No.
Joey: Ok, um...[Clears throat] Here's the thing. Um... I ran into Mr. Kubelik today. Remember him? He's the Worthington guy and he remembered you, and he asked me to bring you to this party that they're having tomorrow night for all the new freshmen. And he thought that we were still together, and I said that things were weird between us. But then he said he had this offer for you and he mentioned the Dean of admissions, and I'm thinking what else could he be talking about other than Worthington and you. And, you know, maybe there's some loophole or he-- there's some special program and I-
Pacey: I miss you, Jo.
Joey: I miss you, too.
Pacey: You know, I've been... replaying everything that happened at that stupid prom. Wasn't supposed to end like that. We're not supposed to end like that. Right?
Joey: I wish you'd come to the party with me.
Pacey: Yeah. Of course.
Joey: And, uh-- I'll see you tomorrow.
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| Could you ever love me.... |
[29 Jan 2005|11:51pm] |
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aha...so its me...true_love_117...well that name was annoying and seeing 117 * me and my exes anniversary * was down right depressing so i changed it...ehh it happens lol....so ive moved on in the grieving ex gf process..now im mad...im at the point right now where i dont even know if i would get back with him * actually i do but it makes me feel better to think i have power * neways...he actually took my advice adn stopped calling me..its kidna lonely nd i keep wonderin whut hes doin...oh well he stopped loving me so i should learn to move on...
well thats it....and my quote...
Pacey: Hey.
Joey: Hey.
Pacey: You thought I was Dawson?
Joey: No, I just didn't…
Pacey: Maybe a better question would be did you want me to be Dawson? I'm sorry, I take that back.
Joey: Well, the lease is gonna be up soon.
Pacey: I'll renew it again if you wanted me to.
Joey: Oh, I dunno Pacey... I don't wanna give it up, it's just I don't feel like I'm ready to...
Pacey: Paint?
Joey: Yeah.
Pacey: I gotta be honest with you, Jo. I really thought after the way he behaved today that you'd love him less, but you don't, do you? If anything, you just love him more.
Joey: Pacey, please don't make this any harder than it is.
Pacey: Okay. Okay. I just gotta ask one more question and then I'm gonna stop making this hard on both of us, I swear. If it weren't for Dawson, could you ever love me like that?
Joey: Like what?
Pacey: Like a soul mate?
Joey: Pacey, please don't make me choose this... don't make me choose. I really think the best thing is… is to just take a couple steps back, and...
Pacey: Yeah. (hey goes to leave but turns back) Hey Jo? I'll renew the lease first thing in the morning.
Joey: Okay.
Pacey: And I understand. I do, I understand. There are no ultimatums here. (he walks away.)
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